Sunday, December 7, 2014

39 weeks

Today marks 39 weeks and 1 day!  Not long to go and we will have made it the full 40 weeks.  Each day we wonder if it is the day that she will arrive.  We are so excited to meet her.  Over the past few days I have become so anxious because I can't wait to see her and hold her. 

Today I did laundry and cleaned the bathrooms.  Ryan cleaned the shower and we decided to go out and get groceries and a final Christmas present.  We talked about how we are just "waiting" now for it to happen.  I just wish I knew when she was going to arrive!  Maybe I am just too excited to meet her.  :) 

I had my weekly appointment at 1pm on Thursday that did not go as well as planned.  My blood pressure was running high at 147/92 at the beginning of the appointment and then 145/94 at the end of the appointment.  It was quite a difference for me since my entire pregnancy I had been consistently running in the 120's/80's.  My provider was quite alarmed since at 39 weeks pregnant you don't want to be messing around with preeclampisa.  I confided in my provider that I had just been upset by something and had been in tears before my appointment and it had to be the reason for the increase in blood pressure.  In any case, I appreciate my provider for not messing around.  She ordered urine and blood labs and I had to have a non-stress test to make sure everything was okay. 

Baby is measuring just as she should.  She is very low in my pelvis which explains all of the pressure that I am having - sometimes very painful.  My provider is able to touch her head and she even pushed up on her head a little and I could feel baby move up and down in my tummy.  It was weird!  But it was to prove that she is in fact, right there.  As of Thursday, I was 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated.  It is a start! My non-stress test went very well.  They hooked me up to the monitors and I was able to listen to baby's heart rate for about 20 minutes.  She sounds great and she was very busy while we were monitoring her.  The non-stress test came out well and all my labs were normal.  My blood pressure at the end of the test had come down a little to 137/85.  In any case, the issue bought me another appointment tomorrow morning before my regularly scheduled weekly appointment on Thursday.  I am just thankful Baby Girl is okay.

39 weeks, 1 day

Overall, I have to say that I am feeling well.  I know others have felt much worse at this time, so I can't complain.  I feel large.  She is way down in my pelvis and I definitely waddle now.  I have so much pressure between my legs and my thighs.  When I stand up the pressure is so heavy.  I am very slow walking even though the breathing is much better than it used to be!  I have no swelling.  Ever since my appointment on Thursday I  have been having occasional Braxton Hicks contractions and starting yesterday I have been having some period-like cramping and low back pain.  Who knows, it could still be awhile before she arrives!  She is still being a busy girl in my tummy.  I feel her move all the time and occasionally feel her hiccup.  Her butt seems to sit up near my left side and lots of times she makes my tummy look lopsided!  :)  I keep telling Ryan that I will miss those movements, but I'll love holding her in my arms of course.  I love her so much already. 

As excited as I am for her to arrive, I am so scared too.  Is it just me or did anyone else go into motherhood feeling like they don't know anything?  It is such a huge responsibility and I don't want to mess it up.  Some people make it look so easy and like they never make mistakes, but I'm not going to lie -- I will make mistakes and I am scared. 

This has been my fear since the beginning of my pregnancy, well since forever.  She is not just my baby and responsibility now, she is my baby and responsibility forever.  Every day matters.  There is so much you need to teach your children and so much that you need to model for them.  Sometimes I wonder if I am even capable of that.  I look at my parents and how wonderful they are and I look at my sister and her husband and how great they are with Alaina.  I want to be the same great parent, but I know it won't always be easy and I am praying for guidance all of the time. 

Above all else, I want our daughter to know how much we love her.  I'll never be able to give her enough hugs and kisses and I'll never be able to tell her too many times how much I love her.  I love that I am 28 years old and my parents still hug Ryan and I every time they see us and tell us they love us.  I may not always be the greatest mother out there, but I do hope that my child always knows how much she is loved and cared for. 

I'll leave you with some inspiring quotes about being a mother.  As scared as I may be - I've dreamed of it my entire life. 

I sometimes raise my voice, bribe my kids, forget stuff, allow them to eat junk, let them stay up too late – but ultimately I know that I love my children unconditionally and they give that same love in return!I have regretted the things that I couldn't give my kids---a summer vacation, for example..but I know I gave them all my love, all the time, without conditions or expectations. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.
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